How do leaders save a broken relationship?

Relationship | Quan hệ

Good leaders are constantly cultivating and managing relationships with people at work. Anytime a relationship is strained, damaged or broken, they need to address the problem as quickly as possible. So how can you tell when a relationship has become broken? These are the most common signs:

It’s hard to have an honest conversation: When relationships are in trouble, it becomes difficult to have a normal, honest conversation. If we try to start one, the other person will refuse to engage, or become defensive or combative. They don’t want to hear from us nor talk it out. Maybe they have been so hurt that they can’t handle it.

There’s a lack of trust: When relationships begin to break down, suspicion creeps in. People begin to question our motives. Maybe they feel a sense of injustice or lack of fairness. Whatever trust was originally there begins to deteriorate.

There’s a lack of passion to continue the relationship: Eventually people stop putting in any effort to build back the relationship or to make it work. If we manage to get with them, they are mentally or emotionally withdrawn from us. Even if we’re with them, we’re not relating to them.

When seeing these signs, we should try to repair the relationship. That doesn’t mean trying to get it back at all costs, but to do it with integrity. Below are some of the steps to do it.

1. Initiate fixing the relationship with them: If we have a great relationship and it starts to get strained, it’s our responsibility as leaders to be the first to try to mend it. Invite the other person to lunch or coffee for a talk. That doesn’t mean it always pay off but it’s hard to rescue a relationship if we don’t take the responsibility for initiating.

2. Give them the benefit of the doubt: If there’s hope for helping a relationship come back, the conversation goes better if we’re open and willing to take the blame. Assume we’re on the wrong side by asking: “Have I offended you? Is there anything I can do to make amend?” If people are willing to talk to us what we did, there’s a chance to repair the relationship. Even if what we did wasn’t wrong, we should still apologize for what hurt them.

3. Be willing to walk the second mile: Leaders need to be quick to say “I’m sorry”. We need to be willing to make needed changes. That’s part of leadership. Nevertheless, we can’t always determine the outcome of the attempted reconciliation. There will be times when no matter how much effort we put in, the relationship is never the same as it was before. We should not be held hostage by that. We have to accept that, as leaders, we have the responsibility to be a good steward of our team or organization. We cannot allow our personal feelings of not wanting to hurt somebody keep us from doing what’s best for the organization.

There are many relationships worth saving, but many cannot be saved. We have to be realistic about the relationship and do our best. But sometimes we have to accept that it cannot be saved. We have to be secure in our leadership and give ourselves permission to have a different relationship from what we had before. We might still value the person, but we let them go.

Excerpt from “Good leaders ask great questions” by John C. Maxwell.

Visit www.ELTD.com.vn to know more about ELTD’s leadership  development and personal growth programs by John C. Maxwell.

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ELTD CO. LTD.

407/2 Su Van Hanh, Ward 12 – District 10 – HCMC

Tel: +848 3868 0687

Fax: +848 3863 2539

Website: www.ELTD.com.vn

Email: info@eltd.com.vn

How do leaders motivate an unmotivated person?

Many leaders think that they can change people but that is not possible. People must change themselves. That doesn’t mean that leaders have no responsibility to people in their organizations in the area of motivation. It’s the leaders’ job to create an environment and culture where motivation is valued and rewarded. Below are ways to do that.

1. Start with motivated people: The best way to create a culture of motivation is to start with as many motivated people as you can. How can you identify motivated people? They usually have several of the following traits:

They exhibit a positive attitude

They can articulate specific goals for their life

They are initiators

They have a proven track record of success

And if you want people on your team to be motivated, you must be motivated yourself. People do what people see. We have to live it before expecting it from anyone else.

2. Understand the connection between relationships and motivation: people are motivated by leaders who connect with them and treat them like human beings. This might sound obvious but some leaders still miss it. Few things are more demotivating than working for someone who disrespect you.

3. Give each person a reputation to uphold: People often go father than they think they can go when someone else think they can. One way to show people that you believe in them and in the possibility of success for their future is to give them a reputation to uphold. Ask yourself what’s special, unique, and wonderful about each person on your team. All people have talents, skills, and positive traits that make them valuable to the team. Figure out what they are and share them with others. The more you validate people for the good things they do – or could do – the more they want to do them. Not only does this motivate them to perform in their strengths, it also encourages an environment where people say positive things about one another.

4. Reward what you want done: Most people will work for a reward they desire. If you want to create an environment where people are motivated, give them reasons to get things done. Rewards are motivating. Rules, consequences, and punishment don’t do anything to get people going. They merely keep people from doing their worst. If you want people’s best, give them incentives for performance.

Excerpt from “Good leaders ask great questions” by John C. Maxwell.

Visit www.ELTD.com.vn to know more about ELTD’s leadership  development and personal growth programs by John C. Maxwell.

ELTD-PNG

ELTD CO. LTD.

407/2 Su Van Hanh, Ward 12 – District 10 – HCMC

Tel: +848 3868 0687

Fax: +848 3863 2539

Website: www.ELTD.com.vn

Email: info@eltd.com.vn

How do leaders resolve conflict and lead challenging people?

When you have difficulty  with people you lead, whether it’s because of a negative attitude, poor performance, lack of coorperation, or some other issues, you need to start a process to address the issue before things get worse. For the process to be successful, first you need to ask yourself two important questions: Can they change?  (This deal with their ability) and Will they change? (This deals with their attitude). The answer to the above questions has to be yes before you start the process. It can’t be either / or. If people are able and willing to change, you will increase the chance to be successful. Once you have confirmed the questions – go through the following:

1. Meet privately as soon as possible to discuss their behavior: If you have a problem with someone, do something about it as quickly as you can. Sit down with them and very clearly lay out what the issue is by giving specific, tangible examples of the undesirable actions or behaviors. Be sure to explain how their actions are negatively affecting the organization, the team, or you. Don’t be vague, use secondhand reports or attribute bad motives to them because they will only get defensive.

2. Ask for their side of the story: Peter Drucker observed: “Erroneous assumptions can be disastrous”. Sometimes circumstances such as a personal tragedy are temporarily prompting unwanted behaviors, and the person simply needs help or understanding. That’s why you don’t want to go in with the gun blazing because you might be wrong.

3. Try to come to a place of agreement: At this point, it’s time to find out if they agree with you. The ideal situation is for the person to admit “You’re right. This is the problem I have’’. But when they insist that it was not their problem, one strategy is to give them some time to think about it and then meet again to discuss. When you meet them again, if they have a change of heart and agree, you can move forward to the next step. If they still don’t agree, tell them: “You may not agree with what I’ve just said. But you still have to agree to change and follow my guidelines if you want to remain on the team. And I’m going to hold you accountable.”

4. Set out a future course of action with a deadline: Whether people agree with you or not, you must lay out a specific course of action for them to take. Once again, be very specific. Indicate any actions they must not take or behaviors they must not exhibit, starting immediately. If there are action steps they need to follow through, put deadlines on them. Make sure they understand. If you both don’t agree on what needs to happen in the future, you will both be frustrated.

5. Validate the value of the person and express your commitment to help: Before you finish the meeting, let them know that you care about them and genuinely desire a positive resolution to the situation. Tell them how you will help them. Sometimes the greatest value a leader can add to other people comes through telling them the truth, showing them where they can grow, and helping them change.

Sitting down with people and telling them where they fall short isn’t easy. And there is no guarantee that they will acknowledge their problem or change. There’s a strong chance that you will have to let them go. If you are having a hard time making that decision, ask yourself this question: “If I needed to hire new people, knowing what I know now, would I hire these individuals?

If the answer is yes – keep them

If the answer is no – let them go

If the answer is maybe – reevaluate in three months

After three months, if the answer is you don’t know, then let them go. Your emotions are making it difficult for you to accept a hard decision. But as a leader, you owe it to the team to make those tough choices.

Excerpt from “Good leaders ask great questions” by John C. Maxwell.

Visit www.ELTD.com.vn to know more about ELTD’s leadership  development and personal growth programs by John C. Maxwell.

ELTD-PNG

ELTD CO. LTD.

407/2 Su Van Hanh, Ward 12 – District 10 – HCMC

Tel: +848 3868 0687

Fax: +848 3863 2539

Website: www.ELTD.com.vn

Email: info@eltd.com.vn